my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
