Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
