He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
