I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
