then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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