If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
