dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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