Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I touched a dick in church today
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
