i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
