in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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