I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
