Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
