How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
