Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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