Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
