Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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