I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
