Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think im going to throw up on grandma
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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