Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
