Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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