I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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