you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
