Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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