He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
