I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
