drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
