Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
