He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
