Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
