i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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