Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
