dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
