I feel great
I just peed on a car
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
