There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
