My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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