just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
