lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
