then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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