On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
