Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
