Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
