Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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