Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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