I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
