He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
