the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize