Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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