and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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