the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
