DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
