More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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