It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
