Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
