I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
