idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you had me at cake vodka
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
