She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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