Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
