He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize