I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
