you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
