i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
