operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
only if we run a train.
done.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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