the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
