the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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