Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
