i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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