i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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