So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Randomize
