my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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