She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hippo gnu deer
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
