sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
